Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
