I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
