Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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