i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize