Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
