i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
