it hurts more in the daytime
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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