yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
