There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
that's an acceptable place to lick
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
