Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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