I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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