why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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