He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
