The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
