She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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