Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
