i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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