FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
