just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize