the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
