You can't motorboat a personality
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
