Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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