I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
