I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
