I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
