Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
