apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
