My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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