Porn is love you can see.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize