is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
