When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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