You work out of a Hotel?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
