Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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