I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
