I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
