How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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