when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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