i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
