If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
