Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
