Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
