That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
