She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
