bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
