Welp...herpes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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