At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
