I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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