this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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