either way he was missing a nipple.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
