when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
