I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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