3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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