We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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