It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
