So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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