why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
two words...techno handjob
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
