Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
