I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize