Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
ttyl tear gas
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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