May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
