I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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