in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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