Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
