So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
