some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
