Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
