The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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