She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
