I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
