Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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