Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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