i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
