Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
operation have a gay friend backfired
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
