erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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