I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
