had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
