Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
and you fell through a lawn chair
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
