yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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