Please, let me fuck your mom
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
