the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
