I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
