I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
