I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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