Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I checked into jail on foursquare
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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