This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
