May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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