there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
