he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
