he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize